After writing piles and tonnes of poems these past two months I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed by the sheer mass of the unfinished work I've left behind me. So I'm slowing down and editing some. I think I'm going to go in reverse chronological order and so Goblin Graspings is next.
In order to do this revision I enumerated the stanzas and tried to work out exactly what the tenor (or meaning) of each was. I then found some way of unifying the distracted, disengaged, and half-formed ideas in the poem while (hopefully) emphasizing and reinforcing the ideas already formed in it, and maintaining and improving the structural and poetic considerations that went into it. My stanza by stanza evaluations went something like this.
1. Heaviness, density, some pungent aroma belabors the opening sentiment
2. Relaxed Images (Lap, Bask) contrast earlier impulse towards weight, transition to restricted oppressed and deceived dogs (that last refers to the "others slys" line which, for those of you who don't read aloud, sounds almost exactly like "other's lies" and lands on a lot of the same connotations too)
3. Confused Lapse - given name (Bafflelapse), Following is the confusion engendered by this paralizing thing... stutter stepping of language foreshadows eventual stagnation. Enter Basilisk (shy) source of the coming catalepsy, ashamed of its death gaze under its tell-tale marks of ocular disease
Circular poem - end leads to beginning (need to indicate)
why the title? confusing - should go rename "Round" ?
Put moment of almost life in each stanza, a pulse must exist to be stilled, slowed
So I guess those were my thoughts (written on a nearby bit of scrap paper) from them I came to this revised poem.
Round
- brack cast musk murmurs catalepsy until dusk clouds grow smirking pinions
and take heavy flight)
Lap. Bask. - Dogs filing under burdened skies and trying
on each other's sly s
Baffelapse - eyes wide -
-forward dead -
- crow rooster anosmic -
-Basilisk, shy under pertinent styes (Now -
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