I once caught two trees kissing
as I looked out my frosted window
listening to autumn winds and
watching coquettish trees, comely, blush
and flirting expose their slender limbs
- she (blushing red) leaned
in to him, they intertwined
his thick trunk holding him
upright against her
when morning came I noted
- she still bent a bit his way
a lonely branching caught
in his wicker fingers
So my Dad thing read over this and gave me some interesting comments, the results of which you see above. Basically he said that the first three verses were kind of unnecessary, enough anthropomorphizing appears in the bottom half of the thing to get the sense of distance and the wistful narrator does the work of the first bit with contrast. I kind of agree, but my attachment to the verse "the trees, comely, blush, and flirting expose their slender limbs" is impeding my acceptance of his advice. So, I go to this, the drawing board.
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